Have you ever dated a man or woman that wanted to have their cake and eat it too? I, unfortunately, have. For those not in the know, this person is Shad for me but we’ve all dated them.
So how do you know when you are dealing with the strange species homo indecisive? Here are some clues:
1) Beware, beware, beware of the phrase “You deserve better than me”. We’ve all heard this phrase before so what’s the big deal? Assuming that you’ve been dating (exclusively or not) for any reasonable period of time (read: 3 weeks to years), this phrase can be a death. In my thinking, and tell me if I am wrong, you have had more than enough time for him to share his feelings about dating you in any form. If he knew that he was not up to dating you, he could have clearly stopped it before any dating happened. This brings me to number two.
2) “I want to try and be friends, but I don’t want you out of my life”. This phrase is usually thrown around somewhere in the conversation that you will have to rectify number one. What he is really saying is simple, “I care about you and like you enough to not let you go, but I do not really want to put any effort into you or what we have or had. To this I say “If you love me, let me know. If not, let me go.”
3) One minute he’s intimate with you, and the next he’s a dead fish. This to me is the biggest sign that you need to start paying attention to how closely his actions match his speech, or vice-versa. Aren’t we all a little too old for this?!
4) Talking to him is like pulling a tooth—painful and unnecessary. Relationships take time and effort to work. You should not feel like you are working graveyard shift by yourself.
5) After you’ve dumped him or he’s dumped you, anytime he acts like you’ve been dating forever and starts to act a petty child that hasn’t learned to share yet.
Personal story here. I was getting off the bus on my way to church to meet Shad for the “closure” meeting. I look up and see Shad. I smile and go about my business. As I’m walking, I ran into an old friend and we began to walk and talk together. We part ways and I head to church. Shad and I were to meet at church at 4:30, it was 4:00. Worried, and really because I hate people that keep me waiting, I text him to ask if he would make it. “Sure. I’m just running to my dorm real quick.” Well, Shad didn’t show up at 4:30 or 5:00. I texted him again and he told me that he was in a meeting. I angrily told him that he should’ve told me he had a damn meeting. Then he says he didn’t know he had one until thirty minutes ago. Bullshit. So I told him that he could’ve still told me thirty minutes ago. Then he replies with the killer for me, “It wasn’t the first thing on my mind and you seemed like you were busy talking to that guy walking to church”. I couldn’t believe it. Here was the person who dumped me and broke my heart acting like the break up never happened. This brings me to number six.
6) If he acts, in any way whatsoever, mad or angry at you for talking to other people or living your life, beware, He is mad at himself for breaking it off with you in the first place. In that madness has clearly realized he can’t get mad at you because he is the reason why his words have no authority behind them. Simply tell him to swerve.
Gay in the A 