gay

Terrible Travis

baddate

I once met a man named Travis.  We exchanged numbers and set up a date.  Little did I know..

I showed up and we sat and made small talk on the sofa.  We continued to talk and Travis got me something to drink.  It was Kool-Aid.  While I am not a snob, since I am no longer six years old, I definitely thought a more appropriate date drink would have been a nice wine.  Hell I would’ve settled for Moscato and I absolutely loathe Moscato.  Nervous, I lit a cigarette and started to smoke.  Thirty seconds later, Travis turned to me and asked me for a cigarette because he was “all out”.  Encouraged to make the best of this date, I willingly gave him one.  Please do not get me wrong.  I am a very generous and giving person, but asking me for a cigarette and what happened next blew my mind.  Travis goes into his room and fumbles around while I sit in the living room in Grande Dame manor while his roommate and 4 friends enjoy a card game.

I should’ve mentioned that earlier, but when I got to his house I walked in we stopped at the roommates little fete of card games and he showed me to the bathroom.  Travis did not so far as introduce me to anyone, and in my book, that is just plain bad form.

When Travis came back from his room, he sat next to me on the sofa and in his hand was a pack of Newports that looked half full.  One, I hate Newports.  They are tacky and as a black man, It is too cliche for anyone black to smoke them.  Two, He asked me for one of my cigarettes and he had half a pack?! I asked him about it, and his response was that he was saving them for later.  I shrug it off and enthusiastically throw myself back into this date. (more…)

People You’ll meet in the Atlanta Gay Scene

drag queen-2The first person you’ll notice or come across is Tina.  Tina can be a masculine top or bottom and is usually good at deceiving people.  One minute Tina is a top, the next she’s a cross dresser.  Let’s give you some background info on how Tina got her name.  Well obviously she does crystal meth a.k.a Tina, and god knows what else.  Once a popular well known person on the circuit, this world chewed this person up and spat them out.  Washed up Has Been Queen.

 

Tina’s good friend is Legion. Why Legion? Well because they are many.  These are bottoms that for whatever reason decide to hump and grump each other on the dance floor.  You’ll be able to spot Legion because it’s always a group of 4 or more.  Legion advances, or devolves, into Tina.  Future Washed up Has Been Queen

 

Mr. Two Syllables.  He is most likely to be found by himself or with one other person.  Often lurking or hiding in the dark corners of the bar/club.  He isn’t gay and just gets down…whatever that means.  Can never tell you his full name…instead he gives you BJ, TJ, KB, etc.  He is known to stare you down the entire time or be behind you every time you turn around.  Don’t expect him to talk to you.  Remember he isn’t gay and can’t talk to you.  He can and will try to fuck you in the bathroom so beware.  Preys on fresh meat.  Downlow and Masculinity Issues.

 

Fresh Meat.  Fresh Meat is someone that is 18 and is still in highschool, freshly out of high school, or just started freshman year at a college.  Don’t know how to handle liquor so don’t stand too close.  Things can get really messy.  Extremely cliquish and conceited, but then the target of everyone because, let’s be honest, everyone wants the new piece.  Confused Newborn.

 

Mr. Paper Bag.  Ugly as hell, however has money for drinks so Fresh Meat and Tina and Legion are on a hunt for him.  Paper Bag is best friends with Social Security but has known to team up with a Mr. Two Syllables to tag team or run a train on some poor Fresh Meat.  Also tries this with Tina, but no sympathy for Tina.  Paper Bag can usually be singled out by looking anywhere that people tend to congregate.  Bland Boring Thirsty

 

So fellow lovers, these are just a few of the people you’ll meet in the gay clubs of Atlanta. Beware.

 

RIP to Exes

keep-calm-you-can-have-my-exSummer was utterly disappointing.  Sure I had my adventures, but nothing of note.  I am completely fine with this.  My favourite seasons have always been spring and fall, and now baby, I’m here!

 

A quick little update of my fall so far;

 

Shad and I ended up messing around and making out in the presence of our mutual friend Tom.  Boy wasn’t that odd.  Next day Tom and I were having a “boys night,” which meant of course that I was going to be my best to be heterosexual even though everyone suspects that Tom isn’t…well that’s shade to be thrown and tea to be spilled later.  Anyway, So as we were making wings, Shad pulled me into a corner and tried to get physical with me.  I resisted naturally, but then his phone rang and it of course was Aaron; the holy, do-no-wrong, love of his life Aaron.  Shad finished the conversation as I listened with a “I love you baby and I miss you.”  It was right there when I realized Shad hadn’t told Aaron about how his future possible children ended up on my face.  Even worse, I realized that I was an active member in hurting someone, which Aaron is sure to be eventually with the philandering Shad.  So what is a poor Lover like myself to do?  I called him out on his talk not matching his walk and told him he was dead to me.

I realised that I would never want to be with someone who can’t man up to his own actions and accept the consequences and lies….Expect a “Barbara? This is Shirley” conversation in the future.  In the meantime Ill enjoy being me.

 

So Cheers fellow lovers….RIP Shad.  Drinks for everyone!

Cake Eaters… Swerve!

angry.couple

Have you ever dated a man or woman that wanted to have their cake and eat it too? I, unfortunately, have.  For those not in the know, this person is Shad for me but we’ve all dated them.

So how do you know when you are dealing with the strange species homo indecisive? Here are some clues:

1)      Beware, beware, beware of the phrase “You deserve better than me”.  We’ve all heard this phrase before so what’s the big deal?  Assuming that you’ve been dating (exclusively or not) for any reasonable period of time (read: 3 weeks to years), this phrase can be a death.  In my thinking, and tell me if I am wrong, you have had more than enough time for him to share his feelings about dating you in any form.  If he knew that he was not up to dating you, he could have clearly stopped it before any dating happened.  This brings me to number two.

2)      “I want to try and be friends, but I don’t want you out of my life”.  This phrase is usually thrown around somewhere in the conversation that you will have to rectify number one.  What he is really saying is simple, “I care about you and like you enough to not let you go, but I do not really want to put any effort into you or what we have or had.  To this I say “If you love me, let me know.  If not, let me go.”

3)      One minute he’s intimate with you, and the next he’s a dead fish.  This to me is the biggest sign that you need to start paying attention to how closely his actions match his speech, or vice-versa.  Aren’t we all a little too old for this?!

4)      Talking to him is like pulling a tooth—painful and unnecessary.  Relationships take time and effort to work.  You should not feel like you are working graveyard shift by yourself.

5)      After you’ve dumped him or he’s dumped you, anytime he acts like you’ve been dating forever and starts to act a petty child that hasn’t learned to share yet.

Personal story here.  I was getting off the bus on my way to church to meet Shad for the “closure” meeting.  I look up and see Shad. I smile and go about my business.  As I’m walking, I ran into an old friend and we began to walk and talk together.  We part ways and I head to church.  Shad and I were to meet at church at 4:30, it was 4:00. Worried, and really because I hate people that keep me waiting, I text him to ask if he would make it. “Sure. I’m just running to my dorm real quick.” Well, Shad didn’t show up at 4:30 or 5:00. I texted him again and he told me that he was in a meeting.  I angrily told him that he should’ve told me he had a damn meeting.  Then he says he didn’t know he had one until thirty minutes ago.  Bullshit. So I told him that he could’ve still told me thirty minutes ago.  Then he replies with the killer for me, “It wasn’t the first thing on my mind and you seemed like you were busy talking to that guy walking to church”.  I couldn’t believe it.  Here was the person who dumped me and broke my heart acting like the break up never happened.  This brings me to number six.

6)      If he acts, in any way whatsoever, mad or angry at you for talking to other people or living your life, beware, He is mad at himself for breaking it off with you in the first place.  In that madness has clearly realized he can’t get mad at you because he is the reason why his words have no authority behind them.  Simply tell him to swerve.

Why We Can’t Be Friends

friends

I found this interesting bit of information today.  It is shocking, revealing, and makes one–me at least self-reflective.  While initially it applied to women, I found it could apply easily to both men and women.

Whatever the case, “just being friends” is not a viable way of relating to a man or woman you’ve been intimate with – emotionally or sexually. It is a recently-dumped female’s way of saying “I am not ready to let go,” but it is a male’s way of saying one of a few different things (or all of them):

  1. “Let’s keep having sex but without the commitment.”
  2. “I actually think it would be easier/better to move on completely by never talking to you again, but I don’t have the heart to tell you that because I care about you. I don’t expect a friendship will actually work, but saying we can try it will soften the blow.”
  3. “I am too much of a pussy to break up with you completely, even though I know nothing productive or emotionally healthy can come from staying in touch.” Source

 

It made me think of Mr. Can’t Do Right, Shad.  I haven’t fully documented here all the intricacies of my relationship with Shad, but from a general reading of the posts about him, it isn’t exactly a positive thought looking back on it.  I  remember during a break-up, but not THE BREAK-UP, Shad saying “I care about you and really like you, but I just want to be friends” after I told him basically that you cannot have your cake and eat it too.  Well when I was reading this article, I realised something terrible.  I had softened from my prior firm stance and gave him cake, ice cream, soda, and cookies and let him indulge in all of them.  He has basically been in the “just friends mode” for a while.

 

 

How in the fuck I went from Firm stance to soft pussy, I don’t know. It happened and no use in crying over spilled milk right?–Tangent.  I originally thought that only two of these applied to me, but upon deeper inspection in 30 seconds all three apply to me.  I guess deep down I kind of suspected in the beginning when we’d start the let’s just be friends conversation that these were his ulterior motives.  Perhaps it’s the reason why I fought harder for what seemed an official title (Dating non-exclusively) at the time, but was just smoke and mirrors.

 

 

Well regardless, today we were forced to be in the general company of each other for a Church Celebration.  He started to act so ugly and different.  I decided right then and there I was over everything.  I was over his arbitrarily being hot and cold.  I was over feeling like I was always in a competition with his former (Well to use former it would mean that it was all in the past) lover.  In my angry black women voice, I was tired of all the bullshit.  Now starts the hard part.  The cutting off. Absolutely no contact, especially not initiated by me.  I’ve never actually had to purposely cut someone out of my life so severely.  I’ve been extremely privileged to just slowly and naturally drift apart and wake up one day barely able to remember a name.  Well there are first times for everything; or so I’m told.  I’m taking this so seriously I am even considering giving him and anything to do with him up for lent.  Well, I am also considering giving up orgasms…but that’s a post for another day.

 

 

In a world, and especially in a city, where there are often two absolute extremes, how does this sub-species of man called “Refuses to Commit” continue to survive?  I think it’s because we, in our desires for emotional connections allow it.  In that case, the real question is, why do we allow it?

 

 

Until Again Lovers

 

No More Scabs!

heartWell fellow lovers, I fucked up.  Shad and I were both going to this dinner to meet a Palestinian Activist.  I showed up well dressed, informed, and fashionably late.  Shad on the other hand showed up with three minutes to spare—literally.  Well I won’t play coy.  We didn’t exactly have sex per se, but we had a great mutual orgasm. So let’s fast-forward through all the non-essential details and get to the point.  Shad and I were both in the computer lab when all of a sudden he grabbed my phone.  For those that don’t know, I do NOT play around with my cellphones at all.  I immediately rushed to grab it back and somehow ended up sitting on Shad’s lap.  Seriously!  Not even I could be that cryptic and sly.

After about 15 minutes of me desperately trying to get my phone back, Shad said “Look at me in the eye and Ill give you your phone back.” I can’t lie. It was a hard bargain.  The last time I was that close to him and looked his eyes I ended up crying my eyes out from heartbreak.  As I’m often told, you will forgive, and you might forget, but scars you remember.  I sucked in all my strength and looked at those brown eyes of his, projections replaying my heartbreak every second.  Shad gave me back my phone.

I was on the phone with a friend making plans for our Superbowl Party when out of nowhere Shad comes and grabs me legs, puts them in the air, and placed himself in-between.  I couldn’t figure out what was happening but I knew whatever Shad was up to, I would not fall for it.  Party planning having been stopped, I sat there and looked at him.  He looked at me and saw I was uncomfortable and tense and got up.  Proceeding to do the same he snatched me as soon as my feet hit the floor.  He put me in his warm embrace while I stood, frozen.  He whispered “I’m sorry for what I did” and while he was sniffing my cologne on my neck and rubbing my back—he knew all my sweetspots. Sigh. That led to kisses, and gropes, and orgasms.  Before he dropped me off at the train he asked “That’s the last time we’re going to do that?” I didn’t reply.

Now I won’t lie to you.  I was feeling pretty good. He confessed to me all week that he missed me and was sorry.  I felt like maybe it was worth considering possibly giving it another go, when my friend and former lover called me.  He told me that after Shad left my superbowl party he was hanging with the love of his life at Morehouse.  I had a knot in my stomach.  I assured my friend that I knew and that I didn’t care. I did care though.

A few days later, I finally sent Shad a text message.  I told him I care about him but I’ll never be his main priority and that I deserved to be someone’s life love.  It’s hard to admit, but maybe he just isn’t the one for me.  All of this had me thinking, why when we are trying to heal, do we keep peeling the scabs off?  I am going to promise myself that I will not fall prey to beautiful lies, no matter how much I desire them to be true.

Until again Lovers

Bedtime Candy
Colin Kaepernick of the 49ers

Colin Kaepernick of the 49ers

 

Well fellow lovers, this week has been abound in life changing events.  Okay, maybe not life changing, but I have been up to some exciting and interesting things this past week.  With that said, let me introduce you to our Bedtime Candy tonight.  Here we have Colin Kaepernick of the San Francisco 49ers.  Although he may not have won the Superbowl, he surely did win my attention as the most attractive player on the field today.

 

Expect posts later this week.  Sweet Dreams fellow lovers.